New Years Eve… As the clock struck midnight and the ball dropped on tv, I breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s over.” I thought to myself. 2012 is finally done. Donezo! The page has turned and I can start a new year. A new beginning.
I spent New Years Eve differently this time around. Normally I spend it celebrating with friends, good eats and some bubbly. This year I was alone at home. My husband Matt was working. I wasn’t even sure I was going to stay awake until midnight. The first half of the evening I spent cleaning the house. I thought it would be a good idea to start the new year with a clean and somewhat organized space. After having a busy Christmas it was finally time to get our place back in some sort of order. Once I finished cleaning I figured it was time to catch up on as many emails as possible. Yes! New Years Eve I was replying to emails. It needed to be done. I didn’t get to them all, but felt like I replied to enough that I could start a New Year without a massive amount of email anxiety (Still a few to go! So hang tight and I’ll be in touch soon). After working on emails I decided it was time to write some goals. At first I thought it was a good idea to write down all the bad things that happened in 2012. Then I decided against that. There were many things that I would like to forget and the past should be left in the past. There is no point in writing all that down and crying over it. 2012 was probably the biggest roller coaster year of my life. Throughout the year I wondered when the roller coaster would end but it just kept going. Up & down- again and again. This past year brought many challenges… Failures. Mistakes. Setbacks. Confusion. Frustration. Changes. Loss. Procrastination. Overwhelming. Doubt. Anxiety. Moves. Exhaustion. Defeat. I suppose you could say I learned a lot of lessons. I learned what not to do. What works and what doesn’t. I’ve learned what areas of photography I love and the areas that I want to avoid (If you are wondering… I want to focus more on Beauty/Couples/Weddings/ Engagements and maybe Boudoir? Fashion?). There was a lot of growth personal and professional. Along with growth comes growing pains and there was no shortage of that…
When I started writing my goals for 2013 the page filled up so much faster than I thought. Before I knew it I had no more room to write. I started squeezing things in at every empty spot on the page because I didn’t want to have more than one piece of paper. The piece of paper was already big enough! Bahhhhh. Okay so I have a lot I need to work on. No one is perfect. Everyone has room for improvement and that definitely includes me. Being honest with yourself will allow you to move forward. I’m not totally where I want to be. I don’t have everything I want. But I know know what I want and I know where I want to be. Figuring out those things is half that battle. Now I just have to work on getting there. I don’t normally do New Years resolutions or goals but this year I felt it was necessary.
In 2013 I want to connect more with others. I want to blog more and make it a priority. I want to share my thoughts & my work. I do think it’s an important part of what I do. There is always a lot that goes on behind the scenes. There is always a story to tell about a photograph. I think there is much more meaning to a photo when you can add a story. Last year with my busy schedule I didn’t have as much time for others. I felt as though if people saw me blogging a lot they would wonder why I wan’t replying to their emails instead or editing their photos. I had insane number of photoshoots last year and I only posted a small percentage of what I shot. My time was spread thin over all the people and commitments in my life. There were so many times I wished I could have spent a couple extra minutes getting to know more about a client or adding a more personal message to an email. So many moments missed with friends & family because there wasn’t time in my schedule. After the passing of a special friend this Fall, I didn’t feel like connecting with others. I haven’t really written much on my blog since then. For some reason I had a harder time moving forward than I thought I was going to. This year I will make more time and put in more effort. You have to be in a good place in order to give your best to others. I wasn’t always in a good place and I wasn’t always giving my best to others. By the end of the year I felt tired, fragile and disconnected from my audience and people in my life. It’s sometimes hard for me to put myself, my thoughts & my work out there for fear of rejection. Yes, I do have a fear of rejection just like everyone else. I am pretty critical of myself and my work, but that’s only because I want to grow and improve. This year I want to shove so much positivity into myself and everything I do even if it hurts. Sometimes it’s hard to see the light even if you feel like you are completely in the dark. Despite all that 2012 was… I am grateful for everyone and everything I have. Thanks to all the wonderful people in my life for their love and support. 2013 is a New Year and a new beginning for everyone. I want to wish everyone all the best this year in everything you do. May all your dreams come true.
I will leave you with one of my recent favourite images I took near the end of 2012. This image makes my heart smile! This is a shot from an engagement shoot I did with Daniel & Wanying at Trout Lake in Vancouver. There are many more fun shots that I am looking forward to sharing with you in an upcoming blog.
Thanks for reading! Hoping to give my website/blog a little makeover/updating this year so stay tuned!